I Know I’m Dating You, But I Kinda Want Your Friend #LadiesRoom

Maybe I am the only one that this has happened to, but it seems to happen a lot. I’ve noticed that when meeting someone I am attracted to physically; I tend to be attracted to their friend mentally. I know that sounds horrible. Yet, this has been my current run with men. Everyone knows about the “dynamic duo.” The two friends that are always around each other and you end up spending just as much time with the friend as you do the guy you are dating. Sometimes to the point that you hang out with their friend alone because you know that you will never cross that line. Well… The last guy that I dated, I met on Twitter. Online he was amazingly funny and quick with responses. Yet when I met him…He barely uttered more than 5-10 words at a time. He tried to be funny but it just came out corny more than anything else. I felt that this couldn’t possibly be the guy that I communicated with online. Time pressed on and we hung out for a while (well…something like a year) and I have always said that habit is stronger than love. I was so used to being around him I looked past the fact that he acted nothing like the guy online. After about a month or so he introduced me to his friend. Now the friend was not only attractive but hilarious. I felt like I knew him the moment we met. We laughed and we joked and had great conversation. THIS guy…This was the one that I expected his friend to be. I found myself having fantasies about his friend and I felt horrible about it. It wasn’t until months later that I found out that his friend was actually the one that corresponded with me via Twitter and it all made sense.

 Recently, I met another online friend at an event that I attended. When I introduced myself he wasn’t a man of many words and I let it be. I also happened to meet his friend, who wasn’t as reserved. His friend was a “pouncer” (the guy that sees what he wants and goes for it.) While, I am normally intimidated by guys that chase me, I entertained it. Though, I know that nothing else will come of this relationship, his friend has become very dear to me. So dear that I find myself attracted and while I may mean more to him than I ever will to his friend…I can’t entertain it. We have great conversation and When he communicates with me I smile, a lot. Yet I know that I need to stop.

So there you have it, I am the girl that falls for the guy friend of the guy I am dating/sleeping with. Am I the only one out here that does ratchet shit like this? I need to know. If you’ve been there what do you do besides the obvious “don’t do anything”?

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Sensitive Thugs Need Hugs #LadiesRoom (RANT)

We’ve all come in contact with him, we may not know it at first sight…Hell we may not know it until that ONE day that he turns into a straight up female!  Now dont misinterpret who I am talking about.  A man who shows his feelings and is emotional is fine with me.  Be comfortable with who you are.  The guy I am talking about is the one that tries to play this “Every-girl-wants-me-everybody-is-against-me” role.  The one that when he starts to talk about his “problems” (which usually consist of finding a girl who will drive him around) you just want to punch him in the nuts. 

Now look, am I guilty of entertaining this character of a man? Sure am.  Have I recently? No.  I am so tired of this behavior becoming acceptable.  Men should not cry like a little baby bitch when they don’t get their way.  Accept your loss and keep it moving!  Shit happens in life, what makes your problems anymore important than any other person?  ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING!  I recently celebrated my 27th birthday and right before 12am midnight…I received a call from a guy that I have been dating for over a year and a half.  Now in my head I figured that he wanted to talk to me until 12am to be the first to wish me a happy birthday.  Hell maybe he was calling to tell me he was coming over to see me personally since he has to pass my house on his way from work everyday and he was leaving to go out-of-town the next day.  He asked how my day was and I had a bad day so I didn’t want to talk about it.  He then asked how my parents were and since they were part of the problem I once again didn’t want to talk about it.  Now any other person in this world would have changed the subject and stated to talk about what my birthday plans were or what I was doing for Thanksgiving….Ahhh but not these sensitive thugs…Noooo not them.  They take everything personally.  What followed was the last argument I had during my 26th year.  He stated that I always treated him like this.  That I never wanted to talk about anything with him and that he can take a hint.  Now notice what he did here… He took something that had NOTHING to do with him and he turned himself into the victim.  I cried like a baby after getting off of the phone because I felt that maybe I was wrong for not wanting to divulge the details on what made my day so bad, but that isnt who I AM.  I am the type of the person that goes through things and lets them go because I don’t see the use in dwelling in them.  I havent spoken to him in a week now.  I havent lost any sleep either so I am assuming that I am fine.

On Thanksgiving I was home all day reading.  At one point I put the book down and looked at my phone to see a name that I missed in my phone.  I couldn’t quite remember why we stopped talking but we exchanged a few text here and there and then there it was…The proof that this was a cry baby bitch… “I must have not been your type because you threw me to the side.”  Now I don’t know what men expect when they send these “woe-is-me” text messages but if I am the recipient, you are either going to get the truth or you are going to get ignored.  In this case, I entertained it.  I responded back with, “aw why do you say that?”  As if he had his message pre-typed I get, “You never called me to hang out and I waited for you.  I wanted to be your man.”  I promise you I dropped the phone and remembered why we stopped talking.  I need a man who has an identity outside of me.  Someone that doesn’t rely on me for his worth.  A man with self-worth would not send a female a damsel in distress text.  Want to know why?  Because he has things to do with his life.  He isnt sitting around waiting on me to be ready for a relationship.  I know some of you reading this and thinking “this is why you’re single.”  While that may be your opinion.  I know what I want and a damsel in distress is NOT what I want.

This is what I want to know; When did men get so damn sensitive and needy?? I remember when I would get mad a my significant other not being able to answer the phone and I remember when I would kick and scream because I was convinced they were cheating.  Now, I see men kicking and screaming.  WHAT HAPPENED!?

If you are a male and ever sent these text you may need to evaluate your masculinity:

“Oh so you ignoring me right now?” (yes, and after this text, expect it to last a while)

“I called you” (as if I cannot see a Missed Call)

“Why you always busy?” (I have a life that does not revolve around you as it’s axis)

“I can take a hint.” ( Son, if I am busy I cannot respond.  Simmer down!)

When Do You Let Go? #LadiesRoom

Hi, my name is Joselyn, and I get in fucked up relationships.  ~I sit quietly taking in what I just wrote~

_sigh_ How many of us have been in that situation where you “kind of” like someone but you know you deserve better?  What makes you stay? I know what keeps me around…The want for someone else’s affection even if it’s for a moment.  I have accepted that I am just prone to go for the jerk before I even take a look at the guy that holds doors open and treats me like a queen.  So why do I do it? Sure you can say it is psychological.  I grew up in a home where my mother abused my father physically and verbally on a regular.  They are still together though so it works for them.  Maybe I assumed that this is what “healthy” relationships looked like.  I doubt it though b/c I am not a firm believer in “You are where you came from.”  So why do I do it? I fear being alone. Crazy sounding right?

I would rather be in an abusive relationship that will never be beautiful in any way, shape, or form because the thought of being alone pains me.  

I had to put that statement separate.  I had to glance at it a few times.  I can’t lie I am tempted to end the blog here, but I wont.  See recently, I visited one of the guys that I dated and while I was in his presence, I became sick to my stomach.  I am 26 years old and still settling for things that I settled for in high school.  I reminisced in my mind of the times that I drove him around because I wanted to see him, and he just needed a ride.  The time that he told me that no one would believe me if I told them that he was dating me, because let’s face it…I’m not what he is used to being seen with.  I though about the times that he came over late at night and even though we didn’t have a conversation consisting of more than a greeting; he expected sex.  Now normally, I can sit around and get past my feelings for the want of company.  Not this night.  I was truly disgusted.  Not with him, men will do as much as you allow them to.  I was disgusted with myself.

My life has changed a lot since I broke off my engagement.  I started to live for me and yet I always seem to forget that when I find someone who I want to be with.  They become first.  They become my life.  Meanwhile, the Joselyn inside dies slowly (and painfully, I might add.)

So what happened the other night? I left. I went home, sat in my empty bed, and watched movies alone.  It felt GREAT!  I didn’t feel like I sold my soul for some companionship.  Honestly, I am just over pleasing my INsignificant other while I sit around hoping to have some reciprocation in the end.   (Besides, the sex was wack!)

So when do you give up?  At what point during dating do you say, “Yeah, so…you’re definitely NOT what I want. Goodbye?”

You’re Really Not All That Good #LadiesRoom

They say that women take rejections badly.  Clearly no one wants to discuss how much of a bitch men turn into.  I have never been one to hold my tongue on things I don’t like or agree to.  Unfortunately, this includes sex.  Now those of you reading can be candid and pretend that you are virgins, that is all good and great, but the fact of the matter is that we have all had wack sex.  So what do you do? How do you tell them?

Me? Well, I immediately let them know that what they are doing doesn’t do it for me.  I am such a sexual person, if I don’t jump on you b/c I want you….You’re doing it wrong.

I recently had sex with a guy that I am convinced was a real life virgin.  It was just awkward.  His stroke was off, I think that he forgot that he actually has to move if he is on top.  :o(  I didn’t know how to tell him so I just took control.  Now when I see him I joke with my friends that I am “teaching classes.”

I want you all to know that IT IS OKAY to tell a guy what you like.  See they cum whether you are satisfied or not, might as well make it enjoyable for both of you.  You don’t have to be a bitch about it, you can just let them know that what they are doing…Isn’t doing it for you.  Make suggestions and encourage playing with toys.  I rather play with my toy during sex and guarantee and orgasm than play with my toy after he falls asleep and worry about hurting his feelings.

How many of you have had a wack experience in bed? Did you say anything?  What worked for you?

a tad bit vain…but whatever

I felt the need to share my tattoo.  Yes MY tattoo…You can say what you want but I think it’s dope! Check it out!