Lookin’ Ass #tellemwhyyoumad

Disclaimer: I have a lot of Japanese girlfriends who date Black men. Some of whom probably won’t like what I’m about to say. But as my mom always tells me, “if it doesn’t apply to you then don’t take it personal.”

Now that we got that out of the way, let me get to the subject at hand.

I usually speak to Black folks I come across. Not always a verbal greeting but a glance, a head nod or a generic smile simply based on the color of that person’s skin. Yes, yes I do. But on the occasion that my greeting happens to be toward a Black man who is with a Japanese girl who looks like she just stepped out of a Nelly video…there almost always seems to be a problem with this acknowledgement.

This particular type of Japanese chick kills me because she is so busy eyeing me and what I’m doing that she can’t keep up with her man.  And while I’m arrogant enough to believe that I could probably have him if I wanted him, my glance or silent greeting is not intended to be a come on to her beau. It is born of a mutual respect that we are two Black people living in a foreign land and a sista just wants to say “What’s up.”  Period. Now this type of insecurity can be seen anywhere in the world but I’m in Japan at the moment so I’m going to address it from my current viewpoint.

You know the type of woman I’m talking about right? She’s the one sportin’ the latest Apple Bottom jeans and boots with the fur. She might even been seen wearing sunglasses in the club while performing the choreography from Ciara’s Ride video. This is the same chick who you have probably heard saying how much she’d love to have a half Black baby because they are so “kawaii” (cute).  She most likely speaks English with a little slang or even say the “N” word a time or two because her Beau thinks it’s cute.

I, on the other hand, do not think any part of it is cute and view it as a poor imitation of Black women and Black culture. As I said before, these types of girls exist in every non-Black culture. One of my good friends (who is White) calls White girls who act this way “Yo Girls”.  I think the term transfers quite nicely to the Japanese version as well.

Since there seems to be a bit of confusion, I’d like to share a little insight with the J-Style Yo Girls.

Here is @ebonifiyah’s list of 5 Things That Do NOT Make You a Black Girl:

  1. Dating a Black guy. Congratulations. Welcome to the club.  I’ve dated a bunch of them too! Keeping their wandering eyes occupied can be a full time job so I suggest you stop worrying about what I’m doing and work on keeping him happy.
  2. Having Sex With a Black guy. Please make a note: This is completely different from #1. I understand that your dating experiences may be limited so here’s a word to the (not so) wise…temporarily having a little Black in you does not by association make you Black.
  3. Overly Aggressive Make-up. We all need a little color in the winter but honey ease up on the stage make-up. The bronzing powder/tanning beds aren’t doing anything but making you look orange. The extra face you put on each day only confuses that poor man when you wake up looking completely different than the person he laid down with.
  4. Memorizing the Latest Videos.  I’ll admit it, having a bit of rhythm and possessing the ability to “hit your dougie” is impressive. Putting on a full show with your homegirls is fun but even your skill at “getting low” does not give you a Black card. Nope.
  5. Giving Birth to a Half Black Baby. I have repeatedly heard you all remark about how cute mixed babies are and that you’d love to have one but trust me, some extremely tough times come with all that cuteness. Motherhood will assuredly change life as you know it and the responsibility to teach a bi-racial child about their whole heritage is not something to be taken lightly. Caring for skin and hair that is remarkably different from yours, possible rejection from your friends and family, becoming a single mother (‘cause let’s be honest…some of the dudes you date won’t be around when it’s time to push) and dealing with a kid who may grow to have identity issues are just a few of the not so fun things about the brown baby you think is so cute.

Your Application Has Been DENIED

A fake ass orange-bronze tan, poom poom shorts and butt panties will never EVER make you a Black girl. #believethat


17 Responses to Lookin’ Ass #tellemwhyyoumad

  1. monique says:

    yessssssss yessssssss church mah sista… church!!!

  2. Marcie says:

    ha! love it.

  3. Afro-chan says:

    Well, I can’t say that you’re lying.

  4. sloosh says:

    Worth the wait for this!
    Three things I gotta share.
    1) I used to live in Yokosuka so I’d run into black guys (I’m a white guy) and get the nod. I even got a “‘Sup brother” sometimes. WAAAAAY better than running into other WHITE guys and getting dirty looks that say, “What’re you doing in my Japan fantasy?” And knee-jerk competition as to who is more “in” with the locals.
    2) Japanese friend told me (he heard from a Japanese rapper) that Japanese people can understand the plight of African-Americans much easier because their skin is dark. I told him he’d have a better shot if he read some books by African-American writers.
    3) I had NO idea that Ciara had a video for “Ride.” That capped my night off nicely.
    Nice post, cheers!

    • LOLOL! Funny all over with the “What’re you doing in my Japan fantasy?” I hear about that situation a lot and get off of YouTube looking for Ciara’s video! Hahaha!

    • Colin says:

      Man, I am so with you on number 1. The fuck is with white guys and being super territorial. All my non-white, non-Japanese friends always give at least the nod to people from their culture. I got stared down hard by a white tourist guy with a cheap DSLR around his neck and an ugly J-girl on his arm, when a buddy and I were moving a big ass rug to my apartment via train. Fucker gave me the stink eye even as I was walking down the platform at my home station. I just dont get it. I am not like that to other white people. While I dont say ‘hey’, I just ignore them the same as I would the other 99% of people in this country.

  5. #AppleBottom or as it has been correctly noted #CherryBottoms! #BabyPhat is also a #DeadGiveaway to “those” chicks! LOL

    Great write #OnPoint!
    Please highlight #5!! I’m tired of seeing the young #BlackGirls who clearly have Japanese mothers, in my class and their hair has not been combed in 13 years. #JFail on you for not knowing how to take care of your child! Not so kawaii after all these years, so “Run Tell Dat” #HomeGirl!

    • miekob says:

      that is messed up…(about the hair) apparently there is a hair care line made by/for asian/black biracial peeps

      I forgot the brand name but i’ll try to find out. then you can distribute flyers in japan =D

  6. simonegoldsmith says:

    lurrrrve this!!!

  7. Nandio says:

    This one is really good
    Plus, most of the black guys around will date a Japanese girl mostly because she is originally Japanese and not black failed trial aka Shibuya gals

  8. kelsey says:

    I couldn’t have said it better myself.

    My favorite is when their man talks to you and they get stank. Like it’s MY fault that he talked to me???

  9. Shanelle Robinson says:

    Wow Eboni, Great Blog! I wonder if they realize that its really an insult to their own heritage?? Because really, if you have to be so insecure when other black women come around then you know deep down inside that you will never add up to being us. So stop it, be yourself, it has to be a hard life trying to be someone else.. oh and the card…priceless.

  10. Thi is such a well written piece I love it! Where abouts in Japan are you based?

  11. Simple X says:

    I lived in Japan for many years, and managed to be bi-lingual by the time i left. First off we cannot have the same “social assumptions” as we have here in the USA. in Japan its not black white asian or latin etc. its either JAPANESE or NON Japanese…. The majority of society (PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY WORK AND MAKE MONEY) don’t call people black white its a blanket term “GAIJIN”. I just want to make this point clear before I go on.

    Japan in gerenal is a very rigid society, the philosophy is like those old arcade games “mole masher”… people do not want to be labeled blacksheep so they conform to many social norms that we would consider to be unfair (this includes alot of sexist MALE>Female type of social standards)

    Many in the younger generation of Japanese have a fixation for non-Japanese things. They do not like the “old japan”. They see the MTV videos and other mainstream media and want to emulate it. Also, another big reason its easy for NON-Japanese men to get with Japanese women is because they feel like they can practice their English, and potentially leave japan and return home with the guys.

    In terms of the Japanese Chicks who people call KoGyaru they are the extreme case of not wanting to be the same as everyone else. They date all sorts of non-Japanese people in a rebellious effort against their parents, family, etc. Do you blame them for wanting to be more like Non-Japanese people? They are fed alot of the same media we are.

    1, Japanese want to be Black — Yah there are some of those out there. Alot of it is influenced by media. They go to tanning salons and get thier skin dark as possible, since they have melanin they do tan.

    2. Japanese want to be White — yah there is alot of that too, making thier skin really pale with makeup on purpose.

    The bottom line is that those people do not want to be a part of the regular japanese society for whatever reason. I dont think there is any reason to criticize them for this reason. How many people do you know who are unhappy with their circumstances and want to change something? It may come in the form of a Divorce, a Job Change, Interracial Dating, etc.

    I agree with the artice about how bieng with a black person (or anyother non-japanese for that matter) does not change them from Japanese to Whatever, but at the same time i dont think there should be such harsh criticism.

  12. miekob says:

    awesome piece…too funny and on point!

  13. roadlesswandering says:

    This happened just the other day while I was walking with a friend through Shinjuku!
    So very true!

  14. nayo says:

    @ Simple X i think the harsh criticism is what makes it funny. If were softer spoken the point would be easier to ignore.

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