#DomesticViolence #YouDeserveBetter

 

Stand Against Domestic Violence

 

You deserve better

I read @SLOWLYbtngU ‘s post and partially in response and partially because of an event coming up this weekend I felt compelled to reply.  In Japan (even more so than the US) there is very little cultural, professional or community support for men, women and children who are a part of domestic violence.

What to do when you are in this situation?

You’ve put off talking about, writing about, and getting help with your survival/escape plan for as long as possible.  You can admit it.  You’ve done the absolute minimal needed to forget that you were on the outs of what was and still is a very physically and emotionally abusive relationships. You want to forget the bruises, shouting, calls to the police and visits to the doctor. You have put yourself in a superficially blissful state of forgetfulness, denial and often tipsiness.

Now it’s not that you don’t want help, Lord knows you’ve prayed or cried out for it, SCREAMED for it more than once. If one thing this experience has taught you is that God does in fact exist otherwise who have you been talking out loud to all those nights and days? And you DO want to move on, fall in love, and have a healthy relationship, a family, kids, a dog, the whole deal. Really the biggest problem is no one you’ve met really knows how to explain to you how to get out and over it. You are not at fault and you are not going crazy.

Many websites are too politically correct about it with their suggestions of counseling. Or their mottos oversimplify remember, ‘there’s no abuse in love’. Well, if love did not keep you with that man–what did? You can try talking with the people you love… but they see someone so amazing and can’t figure why you’d be with that asshole, they’re hurting too because they want to help but don’t know how. They might even blame themselves and you have enough guilt without having to deal with all that too.

So, how about this let’s put it on the table, let’s talk about it and let’s expose the worst part of life and all its fucked up details. Hopefully talking about it here on this website where everyone with access to the web (and that’s a lot of people) can see it, judge it, support or hate you for it will in some way help you stop being ashamed, stop being scared and stop running away from what you need to face.

WRITING, PARTYING, EATING, READING, DRINKING, AND WHATEVER ELSE IT TAKES TO GET OUT OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP- go ahead and do it.  I’m there for you and I think that you are STRONG person for it all- For the love, for the abuse and especially for the survival. Keep going and you will break the cycle and let me say I love and support you for that.

For women in Japan looking for at least one organization that is making a difference check out RESILIENCE Even though the website is in Japanese you can get English language support.  Hit us up at DENTradio@gmail.com for additional information

Saturday, November 6th @FewTweets will be hosting a holiday craft sale in Omotesando and proceeds will benefit this organization.  It’s only 1500 yen and includes snacks so enjoy getting your holiday shopping in early while supporting a great cause at the same time.

Love,

the Tokyo Twilighter

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About @TokyoTwilighter
A lil bit of Tokyo, a lil bit of America and a lot of kawaii. Something like an expert on Tokyo and your personal navigation system through the party scene. Fan of good music, brownies, bright colors, hip hop and twitter.

One Response to #DomesticViolence #YouDeserveBetter

  1. SLOWLYbtngU says:

    I was in an abusive relationship w/my ex-fiance. We were together for 5yrs and for the first 2, we were fine. Then the verbal abuse started. The, “nobody will ever want you b/c you’re fat/ugly.” It was repeated to me so much, I believed it. Once he knew I wouldnt leave b/c I was convinced no one else wanted me or would believe me (he was the pastor’s son and I was the youth pastor at my church), he started hitting. It started like a shove at first, then an arm grab…Then one day he balled his fist and just would not stop.

    I was so bad off I felt I deserved it. Every hit. Every insult. I just KNEW inside I had earned this treatment.

    I continued to preach at church and pretend everything was fine. I continued to plan our wedding as if though this was a healthy relationship.

    The only thing that stopped us from getting married was the fact he cheated on me. Go figure, I could justify him hitting me as if I was a man, but the image of him with another woman lead me to seek help from my parents.

    At first my parents didnt believe me, and this hurt me so bad I contemplated going back to him. I didnt. I just couldnt do it. I moved back in w/my parents until I was certain that he’d never come for me again.

    I cant lie though, since him, I havent had a significant other for fear that they will be the same way. Saints in the beginning and abusers in the end.

    I sometimes wonder what my life would’ve been like had I not found out he cheated. Actually I am pretty sure I know what would’ve happened…I’d be dead. It only takes one blow.

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